


still dancing with your demons

by CuboneGirl13



Series: bloom [4]
Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuboneGirl13/pseuds/CuboneGirl13
Summary: "For the love of God, John, you don't have to hold onto the steering wheel that tight, it's not going anywhere-"in which Johnny almost remembers and Julia can't forget.
Relationships: Johnny Simpson/Julia Trojan, past Julia Trojan/Michael Trojan
Series: bloom [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610005
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	still dancing with your demons

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Nightmare" by Avenged Sevenfold.
> 
> The title and summary make this seem so _dark_ but I promise it's fluffy!

_"For the love of God, John, you don't have to hold onto the steering wheel that tight, it's not going anywhere-"_

_"Hold on!_ "

Johnny sat bolt upright, his heart pounding like a bass drum. The images in his mind were already fading, fading more and more with every rapid breath. He almost leapt out of his skin at a hand on his shoulder, but he realized almost instantaneously that it was only Julia. He glanced over at her, her face illuminated by her bedside lamp and a book in her lap.

"Nightmare?" Johnny nodded silently. "Me too."

Moving gingerly, he laid his head on her lap as best he could. It was getting hard, now that the baby was making itself visible. Julia's stomach sort of looked like she'd fastened half a basketball to it, but with how much the baby moved, it was impossible to mistake her for anything _but_ pregnant. He wasn't complaining, though. It just made it feel even more real. "I saw faces," he said, voice raspy from sleep. "Already forgot ‘em."

"I'm sorry, baby," she murmured, running her fingers through his curls. She set her book face down on her nightstand, trying not to shift too much. "You want something to drink? Or do you just want to lay here?"

"Here," he said, draping one arm across her legs. "Yours?"

"Michael. As usual." While Johnny almost always forgot his nightmares within moments, they stuck for Julia, the images haunting her every time she closed her eyes. In a way, he envied her. He had so many _gaps_ , but Julia? She knew _everything_ , more than she ever wanted or needed, but she _knew_. In the light of day, Johnny was thankful he didn't remember the war. It wasn't nice when he forgot his sister's name, or his mother's birthday, or even the street he lived on, but at least he didn't remember what made him like this. But at night? He just wanted to _remember_.

"Eyes?" Johnny asked, looking up at her face. Julia shook her head, her features twisted with pain.

"No eyes. No jaw. Gashes _everywhere_. Asking… asking why I let him go," she mumbled. Times like this, he could _kill_ Donny for telling her about Michael's death. He didn't care Julia wanted to know, she didn't _need_ to. "Why I betrayed him."

"Didn't betray him," he said. Johnny took her free hand, squeezing it gently. "He'd be happy you're happy."

She shrugged, though her expression looked slightly less pained. "You remember anything?"

"Jeep flipped. Held on. Trapped under, crawled out, that's it," Johnny said. "I don't remember anything else." The more he talked, the better he sounded and the more his mind cleared, but he probably should have taken Julia's offer for a drink.

"No details this time?" He shook his head. Every once in a while, he'd remember _something_ for longer than a second and he'd frantically write it down, but not today. "Sometimes… sometimes I wish I didn't know. About Michael," she whispered. "That I could just forget about what Donny said."

"We should trade," Johnny said with a wry smile. "I remember, you forget. Then we're both happy."

"Or not. I just… I like having closure. But…" Julia trailed off, absentmindedly playing with his curls.

"You wanna know what happened, you just don't wanna see it," he finished. "I see everything and wish I remembered. What a pair."

“I thought you consider yourself lucky you don’t remember,” she said. “Or did you change your mind?”

“I- I don’t even know anymore,” Johnny said softly. “It’s like the memories are all there, my brain just… doesn’t know how to get to them when they’re awake. I wish I could just remember or forget, not _both_... Does that even make sense?”

She nodded, the fingers in his hair stilling. “It makes perfect sense, sweetheart. I just wish I could help.”

He shrugged, glancing up at her face. “You try,” he said, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. “ _That_ helps… And I guess I remember the important things. The band. You. Our little nugget.”

  
“ _Nugget_?” Julia burst out laughing, surprising him. “ _That’s_ what you’re calling the baby? A _nugget_?”

“What? Do you not like it?” Johnny was legitimately confused as to why she found that so funny. He thought it was cute!

“It’s just a little weird,” she said, still giggling a little. “But it’s cute. Our _nugget_.”

“Our nugget,” he repeated. “I’m hoping Nugget’s a girl.”

“Oh, so now we’re using ‘nugget’ as a name, huh?” She tugged on one curl, making a face down at him. “I kind of want a boy. Tall with a headful of curls, just like his daddy.”

“Nah, you don’t want a kid like me,” he laughed. “Wayne says I was a pain in the ass. Still am.”

“You are _not!”_ Julia said, once again tugging on his hair. “You are a _wonderful_ person and a joy to be married to. Even when you give our baby weird nicknames.” 

“Even when I have nightmares?” Johnny asked, suddenly serious. “Or- or forget our anniversary? Or my back’s too fucked to move?”

“ _Always_.” She lifted their still-linked hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. “For better or worse, right?”

“Even when it always seems to be worse?”

“ _For better or for worse_ ,” Julia repeated, her voice firm. “I mean it.”

“I know,” he said softly. And in his heart, he did. He really did. Sometimes, it was just hard to make his head understand that even with all his issues, Julia loved him- hell, loved him enough to choose him over Donny and to _marry_ him. He just couldn’t forget that she deserved better, that she _had_ better, yet she chose _him._ Most of the time, he was certain that Julia was one of the smartest people he’d ever met. Choosing him was just a lapse of judgement on her part, but it was one of the best things that could have ever happened to him.

“You think you can get back to sleep now?” she asked. “Or do you still need a minute?”

Johnny nodded, gingerly extracting himself from her lap. “I can try. You okay?”

As soon as he was settled, Julia curled up against him, her head on his chest. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“For being you, I guess,” she murmured, tracing her fingers along his stomach. “I couldn’t ask for anyone better, sweetheart.”

Johnny made a face but he didn’t say anything, just wrapping an arm around her and holding her tight. It was reassuring, knowing that even through the nightmares, she was right there by his side, and he was by hers. “Love you, Jules. Always.”


End file.
